NOTES:
She started off with the disclaimer that everyone has their own recipe, every kid is different, and there's no real "right" or "wrong" way. But everything she said made a lot of sense to me and I think it's worth a shot.
A brief history of potty training: back in our grandparents' generation, potty training started much earlier, around 12 months old. This is probably due to the use of cloth diapers - where moms would be washing diapers all day every day, and babies could feel when they were wet more than today's disposable diapers. Also, mom's tended to stay home more so it wasn't as inconvenient to make numerous attempts at using a potty.
These days, we have working moms, playgroups, outings, and sometimes when you're on the go, it's all just easier to use diapers. So our motivation has lessened. But also, more childhood development research has occurred and found that children are easier to potty train when they are physically, intellectually, emotionally and socially READY. About 15 years ago seemed to be the peak in the age of potty training - around 4 years old. Now, the trend is about 3 years old.
So, what are some "Readiness Signs"?
- Stays dry for 2 hour intervals - their bladder has grown enough to hold it without getting bladder infections.
- Predictable, regular bowel movements
- Can sit still and focus for several minutes
- Understands simple instructions
- Announces when they are going or immediately after
- Shows an interest in others using toilet
- Show interest and cooperates with sitting on potty chair
- It also helps if the child is capable of pulling up and down their own pants
Step One: Around 18 months Old
The first step in potty training, using this method, is to start to familiarize your child with toileting.
- Buy a Potty Chair - no particular brand recommended, but best not to have the front straddle shield because that can be tricky to get over without damaging sensitive parts. The seat should be easy to use and clean. A small seat is less intimidating than the big toilet, but if you use the ring over the toilet seat, be sure to have a footstool. Feet need to be flat and supported to relax pelvic muscles.
- Use the language - when you're changing diapers, use common words like "Pee-Pee" and "Poo-Poo", be matter-of-fact and not negative. Instead of "Yucky, Stinky, Poopy!" just say, "Oh, you pooped." Don't create too unusual code-words so that any caregiver will understand the child if they have to use the potty.
- Allow your child to interact with the potty seat in any way they want - let them touch it, put toys in it, sit on it, drag it around, whatever. They should get so comfortable with it that it's not scary or threatening when you're ready to move on.
- Get 1-2 books for your child about the potty - There are a lot to choose from, and there aren't really any that are better than others. Just pick one or two that your child might be interested in. Every child is different. It just helps the vocabulary develop.
- Let your child watch you use the toilet - children learn by example and observation.
The second step is to work toileting into your daily routine.
- Announce your plan - Instead of asking, "Do you want to sit on the potty?" Simply state "Time to sit on the potty." (It is wise to establish a doctrine that for all issues of health & safety, it is not a choice.)
- Tell the child what you're doing and why
- Place the child on the potty chair at the same time every day - before bedtime or upon waking in the morning seem to work best as they are already use to some routines here.
- Do not worry about or expect them to go in the potty.
- Sitting on the potty for 30 seconds is ideal. No more than 5 minutes (if child likes to sit on potty and take advantage of the attention)
- Be consistent
Once you feel your child exhibits the "readiness signs" (listed above), go for it!
Potty Training clothing:
- Consider cloth diapers - if they can't see or feel it with disposable diapers, it's harder to know it exists.
- Big Kid Underwear - Take child to store and make a big deal about the special underwear they are getting. Let them pick it out. Get lots of pairs. Don't use disposable training pants because you'll want immediate feedback. Cloth training pants are ok.
- Elastic waistbands - Ideally, so your child can pull up and down their own pants. Zippers and buttons are too hard. Even for parents who are trying to get them off quickly.
- Consider leaving naked - During the summer, naked children get immediate feedback when they start to pee. It is theorized this is why children in Scandinavian countries potty train earlier. Run naked in summer!
Start with blocks of time:
At the same time every day, put child in underwear for 2 hours. Avoid jumping from diaper to underwear all day. When they are in underwear, it feels different on their skin and it will help them remember. Children respond well to routines. Pick a 2 hour block where you will be home, the child is not napping, and you can be attentive to your child needing to use the potty (and cleaning up accidents). For about 4-6 weeks, plan to stay home more than normal to make potty training easier.
Here's how the 2-hour block of time looks:
- Sit on potty
- Put on underwear - tell your child what you expect
- Underwear for 1 hour
- Sit on potty
- Underwear back on for 1 hour
- Sit on potty at the end
- Diaper back on for rest of day
Increase the time in underwear by 1 hour each week, announcing the interval increase each time so it is anticipated and not stressful to the child.
- After 4-hour intervals are achieved with success for a week or so, children can start going entire day - EXCEPT for naps and nighttime.
- Remind them to use the potty all day long.
- Be consistent.
If you meet resistance:
For 3-4 weeks, back off completely
- Tell your child we are going to take a break from using the potty for a little while and they are going to go back to wearing diapers all the time.
- Do not initiate talk of using the potty.
- Keep diaper changes matter-of-fact - not fun time, not scolding time
- Use cloth diapers for increased awareness, but DO NOT leave child in wet or soiled diaper (punishment)
- Consider doing diaper changes in the bathroom so still associating the room with the action
Also hold off on potty training during times of stress in your child's life. Allow around 3-5 weeks to adjust. Examples:
- Transition from Crib to Big Bed
- New Baby
- New House
- Vacation - can try to continue routine if already started, or tell child "While we're on vacation, you're going to use diapers, but when we get home, we're going to go back to your underwear."
- When younger sibling becomes mobile and gets into their toys and stuff can also be a stressful time for a toddler.
- Diaper on, in the bathroom
- Diaper on, sitting on the potty
- Diaper laid in potty chair, child sits on diaper
- Eventually get rid of diaper
- Do not use any form of negative associations or punishments
- Be matter-of-fact - "Oh, you went pee-pee. Let's get you cleaned up."
- See if child needs to finish emptying bladder on potty - sometimes they stop after they realize they are starting and then bladder doesn't fully empty, leading to infections.
- State expectations - "Next time, tell me you need to go pee-pee so we can get you on the potty chair."
- Seek help from a specialist if older than 4 1/2 and still meeting resistance - It is extremely rare that a child who is otherwise developing normally does not potty train by the age of 5.
Other Tips:
- Make it fun! - Books, Songs, Puppets, Bubbles (act of blowing sometimes helps a child's muscles relax if they are too tense to go), Cheerio targets (boys like to stand and aim!), Food color (a drop in the potty chair to see different color of pee), Bubble Bath (makes pee bubbly).
- It can take a child 2 minutes to relax. Use a book or music to help distract the child from anxiety about the potty.
- REWARDS!
- Make sure potty training is an attainable goal (readiness signs) before offering rewards.
- Reward the behavior, not the child. - "Good job using the potty." NOT "Good boy!"
- Reward needs to be immediate - At this age, a child won't make the connection if you reward them at the end of the day. Give the reward after using the potty.
- Gradually taper off rewards with time
- Give older siblings rewards too so they will help encourage and remind the younger one
- Ideas include: calendar with smiley faces, stickers or stamps, 1 M&M or piece of small candy or fruit snack etc., beads for a necklace, crayons
- Don't go overboard - Remember toilet training is a natural part of a child's development. Simple positive praise is best.
- Incorporate hand washing after using the potty.
- If your child is in daycare or preschool, be sure to coordinate your efforts and strategies with them. (They often have specific policies and procedures in place anyway.)
Constipation:
May occur during potty training. Encourage plenty of fluids (non-diary) and healthy meals and snacks. Contact pediatrician if +3 days without a bowel movement.
Nap and Nighttime wetting:
- Cannot "train" asleep wetting because it's a physiological connection made between the brain and bladder.
- Will often stop within 6-9 months of daytime training.
- 20% of all 5-year-olds still wet at night.
- Decrease water consumption before bedtime.
- Be sure sitting on potty right before bed and first thing upon waking up.
- Do not use bed-wetting corrective devices without consultation from a doctor or specialist (over 5 years of age).
RELAX, it will (eventually) happen! :)
